I have to hand it to Lori Alexander. She continually inspires me to help and encourage women. Her continual heartless, impractical, void of empathy and even cruel advice to struggling women drives a passion in me that has no end. The following screenshots I am about to share are from a thread that occurred on her facebook page on 9/20/2019. As the discussion was happening in real time, Lori carefully deleted any comments that went against her agenda. Then when I woke up this morning I found she deleted the entire thread altogether. I suppose she ultimately decided people like Tara don’t deserve a voice. This post is for all the moms who identify with Tara. I hear you and the readers of my blog hear you!!
To Tara: Nothing is wrong with you. God gave you a brain, interests, talents and you are itching to use them. Millions of women hear you and stand next to you. Being a mother and wife is just part of you, not all of you. Motherhood is a 24/7 job and I too am frustrated with the complaints of men on how they have it so hard, that they are just so tired, and that they deserve the recliner because they bring home a paycheck. It sends the strong message that what moms do doesn’t matter.
In my early 20s, all I wanted was to be a wife and SAHM because the godly ladies painted it as such an easy, perfect, blissful job. They never showed the negative side such as the sleep deprivation and having to be on call 24/7. You can’t just clock out of motherhood at 5:00 pm and kick back with a beer. I’ve learned the very hard way that I actually have a brain and I like to challenge myself, read, and have real conversations with real adults. Blogging and writing is one way I get to feel like an adult, but even if I suggest tons of hobbies that will make you feel more complete, the sad thing is moms can rarely find the time to pursue them. Cliche advice of finding mom friends is also often an uphill battle. Moms can’t even find the time to get together with other moms. Play dates are often cancelled because of family issues, or someone is sick. I wish there was an easy answer of how to get through it all, but there really isn’t it. The important thing to know is you are normal, heard, and loved by God.
To Lori: Massive fail. Tara does not need to be taught to love her kids. She clearly said she loves them. What she needs is empathy and to be heard. You say she needs to find contentment at home but offer no practical advice on how to do this. Advice such as this is cheap and shallow, like the advice of “just choose to be happy”, because its just that easy as flipping a switch. Often how one finds contentment at home is by pursing their own interests and hobbies on the side. That is what I found works for me. By pursing a side hobby, it doesn’t make you any less of a mother.
A male commenter named Logan provided the words she needed to hear, but you deleted him (before you deleted the entire thread). Imagine that — a man who isn’t a “godly, older woman” speaking far kinder words.
Moving on….
To Tara: Again, I hear you. We all need to feel like a woman in addition to being mom. The woman in us doesn’t die when we have kids as much as some would like to think so. The woman still needs nurturing and growth so that she in turn can be the best mom. And yes, what about the dads? In Lori Land all men have to do is provide and protect and they’ve met their quota. Women do everything else. Men don’t really have to be dads in the way women have to be moms with 110% engagement and Lori says this is because men don’t have breasts, ovaries and eggs! Because of course its our body parts that make us good moms or good dads. Sadly, all men have to do is shoot some sperm and bring in some cash and he is golden — that alone makes him a good dad. Meanwhile, mom is running a marathon to prove her worth. I get why this is exhausting because it seems as moms nothing we do is ever good enough.
To Lori: No, men being the provider is not necessarily a tougher calling. We all have it hard in different ways, but you struggle to ever acknowledge how hard some women have it in comparison to their husbands. In times past when men had to toil the land under the hot sun as the bible prescribes, men had it tough. However, these days most men have office jobs in air condition with specified breaks and lunch periods mandated by law. They also are able to go to the restroom at anytime and poop without having kids surround them. They get promotions and recognition. Luxuries women rarely receive, because we all can’t afford babysitters and housekeepers or have family close by to help. Men also don’t have to be up every night feeding an infant being sleep deprived for months or years at a time. They get to go off to their defined 8 hr a day job with a full nights rest and then come home and don’t have to deal with the kids because that is “Women’s work” (men don’t have ovaries, so they shouldn’t have to touch their kids, right?). Meanwhile mom is at home sleep deprived, isolated, lonely, and with the much heftier responsibility of keeping kids safe and alive.
Moving on…..
There was yet another good comment that popped up and was deleted within minutes. For this one, I have the comment and the after shot where you will see where Gen’s comment once was. Gen’s wise advise is that you can’t be a good mother if you don’t take care of yourself. Cheers to that! Oxygen mask on yourself first. Instead what we have is moms like Tara struggling to breathe because they are told your ovaries mean you were meant to do this!
Then the following is a pile of shots that happened overnight….
To Jackie: Its nice that you acknowledge she loves her kids but it sounds you also doubt it. Why is it every time a woman expresses any emotion of less than happy it is assumed they don’t love their kids? Yes, its a sacrifice but it also shouldn’t be slavery. Women like you and Lori push women into slavery to the point where she no longer has her identity.
Your husband sounds like he has a manual labor job. In this case, yes you probably have it easier, but be aware this is very specific to the occupation of the husband and most are in office jobs sitting in air condition all day where they get the same luxuries as you. Then is it any wonder that those wives get pissed when their men come home and won’t lift a finger. He at least got a defined lunch break whereas mom probably had to shove food into her mouth while standing up and juggling kids. On your point about bosses yelling. That is unusual. A “wise woman from my chatroom” had this to say about your comment:
What is it with these people and bosses? The modern boss isn’t Ebenezer Scrooge. I hate it when they talk about serving a boss, the demanding boss, being ill treated by a boss. Jeez. Get an education and work in a professional setting where your boss is your mentor and your advocate. And if you do have a bad boss, you’re in a position to be able to change jobs. You have smarts and skills that give you leverage (unlike being stuck for life with a bad/abusive husband).
And the constant harping on the laborious, dirty, back-breaking jobs all their husbands have! It’s like they’re all Mike Rowe! My husband was a high school history teacher, and now is a high school counselor! Yes, I could do his job! And if some guy isn’t willing to acquire the skills of education to allow him access to a less physically demanding job, well, that his choice, isn’t it? Isn’t that what they say to women who are having trouble in whatever state they are in?
Things Godly Women Say 